Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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