I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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