pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
