we're blogging at a bar
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
