She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
