Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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