Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
