Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Randomize
