just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I would fuck him just for his dog
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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