Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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