Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize