I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
