K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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