I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
