Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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