It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
