You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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