I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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