It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
