***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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