There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
