Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
