I will die if light touches me.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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