i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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