Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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