the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Your cock deserves a montage
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
