he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
