before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
