oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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