I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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