i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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