PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
