im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
