shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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