coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
