what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
