when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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