the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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