Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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