Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
