I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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