If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
