he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
