I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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