So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
my poor anus
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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