Old men and throwing up are my life now.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
