is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
