every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
