So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
