I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
