I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
