the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
