the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
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Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
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Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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