So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
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i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
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the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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