Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
