overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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