oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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