he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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