don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
