I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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