Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
