No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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