I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
