You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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