For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
false alarm, still single
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
