dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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