And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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