Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Randomize
