Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
