dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
