is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
