I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
