My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
