Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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