I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
