I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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