On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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