roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
