I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
