someone owes me an orgasm
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
