Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
