i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
